We all have some things we struggle to do without in daily life, but there are probably few things in this world that we universally can’t do without. One of those things is having healthy relationships. Our moms, dads, grandparents, children, siblings, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and romantic partners are the people that enrich our lives. We may take them for granted at times, but our lives would be poorer without them.

If you have healthy relationships with others, it’s quite likely that you have a positive outlook on life as a result. On the flip side, if your significant relationships are poor or mired in conflict, it’s quite likely your outlook on life will be somewhat grim. This is because we are wired for relationships and love. When this part of our lives goes off the rails, it can lower our overall sense of well-being.

We Are Built for Relationships

The only time that God mentioned that something was not good in His good creation was when the man was alone: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” (Genesis 2:18, NIV) It was not good for the man to be alone for several reasons.

First, everything in creation could reproduce, and it had others among its kind, whether plants or animals. Man did not have anyone like him among all the creatures God had created, and so he would not have been able to be fruitful and multiply by himself. Second, man did not have an equal in all creation, and thus no one with whom to experience life as a counterpart.

The solution to this was God creating the woman, a being equal to Adam and similarly made in God’s image to rule with him over creation. This is how earlier verses put it:

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” – Genesis 1:26-28, NIV

In these verses there are a few important things to note:

• Human beings were made to be in relationship with God, the creator of all things. We are His creatures, and our existence is meant to be under His gentle rule that makes us flourish.
• Human beings were meant to be in relationship with other human beings. We are to increase in number and fill the earth. Our relationships, like that of Adam and Eve, were meant to multiply and as we increase we would form new relationships – not just spouses, but uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, friends, and so on.
• Human beings have a specific kind of relationship with the rest of creation. We are to be faithful stewards of God’s creation under God’s rule. Later on, in chapter 3 Adam and Eve decide to strike out on their own with disastrous consequences for themselves, and with the rest of creation becoming cursed and unproductive as a result.

Not everyone will get married and have biological children. But everyone desires relationships with people that can understand them, and these relationships satisfy us. Chief among our relationships is our relationship with God, from which everything else flows.

As one Christian from the fourth century wrote “You have made us for Yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You.” (St. Augustine) Our other relationships cannot fill the God-shaped void within us, and we will put unbearable pressure on our other relationships if we ask people or things to fill a gap only God can.

Relationships Are Good When They’re Good

The story of God’s good world didn’t end with everything being all sunshine and rainbows. Adam and Eve broke their relationship with God, each other, and the rest of creation when they decided to disobey God and declared that they could define good and evil for themselves (Genesis 3).

However, that doesn’t mean all goodness leached out of God’s world. We can still have rich, fulfilling, and life-altering relationships. Many verses in the Bible celebrate how good our relationships can be when they’re good, including the following:

• How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! – Psalm 133:1, NIVI belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me…Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned. – Song of Songs 7:10, 8:6-7, NIV

• I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:3-8, NIV

• “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:34-35, NIV

Whether they are relationships between believers in Jesus, or between lovers as in Song of Songs, when relationships are good they are beautiful, powerful, and lifegiving. Paul’s words above to his friends in Philippi are warm, tender, heartfelt, and an encouragement to the people he loved. For their part, they encouraged him in his imprisonment.

What binds these relationships together is love. Not a sentimental, anything-goes kind of love, but a love of the sort Jesus demonstrated by setting aside His interests and His very life for our sins and to woo us back to God. When relationships between siblings, parents and their children, or between lovers are marked by true love, the kind of love John 13:34-35 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 call us to, it can guide us to have fulfilling and enriching relationships.

Relationships Are Painful When They’re Bad

While love is the key ingredient to our relationships, the thing about relationships is that we enter into them and participate in them voluntarily. The deepest heartbreak we can experience is when we love someone, and they simply reject that love and choose not to reciprocate. Loving someone else is a big risk. This has been poignantly expressed this way:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. – C.S. Lewis

God took this risk, loving us even while we were still His enemies (Romans 5:8), and we are called to love others and to take similar risks with our children, parents, spouses, and friends. Many Bible passages express the pain of broken relationships, and one of the more heartbreaking is the following:

The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!” – 2 Samuel 18:33, NIV

King David was mourning his son Absalom, who had started a civil war by wresting the throne from David his father. This scene follows a series of events that included one of David’s sons sexually assaulting one of David’s daughters, Tamar. David had gotten angry about what happened, but he did nothing to defend his daughter or rebuke his son Amnon for his actions.

Absalom was Tamar’s brother, and he took matters into his hands, killing his half-brother Amnon for what he’d done. Absalom was exiled, and when he was allowed to return, he was estranged from David, his father. This passage, uttered by David when he heard that Absalom had died in battle, was the first time in years that David had called Absalom his son.

When things go awry in any relationship, they can wrench your heart and break it.

Building Stronger and Better Relationships

Our relationships are important and can help us flourish if they’re healthy. Or they can diminish our sense of well-being if they are unhealthy.

Your relationships may be struggling for one reason or another. It may be the result of poor communication, anger issues, mental health problems, or perhaps there’s unforgiven pain that has negatively impacted the relationship. Whatever is at the root of your relationship problems, you can get help.

Reach out to a Christian counselor who will help you unpack your thoughts and emotions about your relationships. In a safe and non-judgmental space, your counselor will help you understand the dynamics in your relationships, and help you develop skills that will serve you well in cultivating healthy relationships.